Today, March 10, 2013, I celebrated 29 years of being married to my
husband. In reflecting back on those
years, I am amazed at just how quickly the time goes. I’ve told several people that I can’t
possibly have been married for 29 years…I’m barely 29 years old. Of course, this brings a laugh. And then there’s the cliché, “time flies when
you’re having fun.” I say that time
flies no matter how much fun you’re having.
No reflection on my marriage there.
We have definitely been having fun.
What makes a love strong enough to last 29 years? What makes a love strong enough to last 48,
almost 49 years? That’s how long my
parents were married when my mom died in 2008.
How about 58 or 60 years?
I have observed that in marriages that last a long time,
love is a verb, not a feeling. Love is
something you do, not something that gives you goose bumps. Love is tough and it is hard work. Love is what you do when you do not feel like
it.
I have also observed that quitting is not an option in these
long lasting relationships. When there
is no way out, it is amazing what you can endure and tolerate. Loving and staying with any human being for a
number of years is a feat of endurance.
We all have weaknesses and blemishes.
It is “stickability” that I see in love that endures. It is, quite simply, faithfulness.
I am privileged to love a remarkable man. He is my best friend as well as my
husband. We have traveled some smooth
roads and some rough roads in our marriage, times of want and times of
plenty. It is the plowing through the
tough times that has made us really good friends and built a strong
relationship. Have there been times when
it would have been easier to call it quits than to continue to tough it
out? Of course. I believe in every relationship there are
times that are so hard and painful that it would be easier to walk away than to
deal with it and work it out. When you
weather life’s cruelty and the bouts of selfishness that can at times inflict
every relationship, you cement your relationship.
There is no one I trust more than my husband. He knows my bumps and imperfections and loves
me in spite of them. I love him even
though I have discovered he is not perfect.
That obviously makes him the perfect man for me. In our imperfections we are completely
compatible!
It is the respect in a relationship rather than the hearts
and flowers that will sustain a relationship.
It is mutual respect that keeps a relationship going when you do not
have the feelings of infatuation and romantic love. Respect allows you to be friends even when
there are obstacles to overcome to make the relationship work.
The older version of wedding vows contains the words “in
sickness and in health, for richer, for poorer, until death do us part.” I know some people have changed these. I wonder how much thought is given to the
fact that, if you really love someone, there may come a time when you will have
to love with no guarantee of love returned.
There may be a time when that person for whom you have feelings is
incapable of returning those feelings.
What then? We have all seen
examples of this. Some in relationships
that lasted and some that did not last, because there was a lack of
faithfulness. The kind of love that
lasts is one that is based on friendship, faith and endurance.
I hope to attain that kind of love. After 29 years, I hope I have a small handle
on some of that love. I hope that God
gives us many more years to experience.
I will take the bad times as well as the good. There is no one that I would rather travel
life’s road with than Billy Babb, who is truly in my eyes, Mr. Wonderful! He puts up with me, doesn’t he? I think I’ll keep him!
