Stickability

This post was actually written the day of my anniversary, but I was unable to post for a number of reasons.  I  hope it is not any more irrelevant because of the time passed since it was written.  So we have been married 29 years and one week, and that is how time marches on and gets away from us so quickly.

Today, March 10, 2013, I celebrated 29 years of being married to my husband.  In reflecting back on those years, I am amazed at just how quickly the time goes.  I’ve told several people that I can’t possibly have been married for 29 years…I’m barely 29 years old.  Of course, this brings a laugh.  And then there’s the cliché, “time flies when you’re having fun.”  I say that time flies no matter how much fun you’re having.  No reflection on my marriage there.  We have definitely been having fun.

What makes a love strong enough to last 29 years?  What makes a love strong enough to last 48, almost 49 years?  That’s how long my parents were married when my mom died in 2008.  How about 58 or 60 years? 

I have observed that in marriages that last a long time, love is a verb, not a feeling.  Love is something you do, not something that gives you goose bumps.  Love is tough and it is hard work.  Love is what you do when you do not feel like it. 

I have also observed that quitting is not an option in these long lasting relationships.  When there is no way out, it is amazing what you can endure and tolerate.  Loving and staying with any human being for a number of years is a feat of endurance.  We all have weaknesses and blemishes.  It is “stickability” that I see in love that endures.  It is, quite simply, faithfulness.

I am privileged to love a remarkable man.  He is my best friend as well as my husband.  We have traveled some smooth roads and some rough roads in our marriage, times of want and times of plenty.  It is the plowing through the tough times that has made us really good friends and built a strong relationship.  Have there been times when it would have been easier to call it quits than to continue to tough it out?  Of course.  I believe in every relationship there are times that are so hard and painful that it would be easier to walk away than to deal with it and work it out.  When you weather life’s cruelty and the bouts of selfishness that can at times inflict every relationship, you cement your relationship. 

There is no one I trust more than my husband.  He knows my bumps and imperfections and loves me in spite of them.  I love him even though I have discovered he is not perfect.  That obviously makes him the perfect man for me.  In our imperfections we are completely compatible!

It is the respect in a relationship rather than the hearts and flowers that will sustain a relationship.  It is mutual respect that keeps a relationship going when you do not have the feelings of infatuation and romantic love.  Respect allows you to be friends even when there are obstacles to overcome to make the relationship work.

The older version of wedding vows contains the words “in sickness and in health, for richer, for poorer, until death do us part.”  I know some people have changed these.  I wonder how much thought is given to the fact that, if you really love someone, there may come a time when you will have to love with no guarantee of love returned.  There may be a time when that person for whom you have feelings is incapable of returning those feelings.  What then?  We have all seen examples of this.  Some in relationships that lasted and some that did not last, because there was a lack of faithfulness.  The kind of love that lasts is one that is based on friendship, faith and endurance.

I hope to attain that kind of love.  After 29 years, I hope I have a small handle on some of that love.  I hope that God gives us many more years to experience.  I will take the bad times as well as the good.  There is no one that I would rather travel life’s road with than Billy Babb, who is truly in my eyes, Mr. Wonderful!  He puts up with me, doesn’t he?  I think I’ll keep him!